i'm having a hard time thinking of any other way to describe what's going on. college has been a hundred different things for me, but the overriding theme has definitely been laid back. i never got into the party scene at alll (which was tough, but i resolved not to do so and that was that), i have the most laid back, low-maintenance roommate ever, i didn't even make very many friends.. which bothered me at first, but it's grown on me. less friendships to maintain, as lame as that sounds.. or is. but there's a bad side too: i have done the most pathetic job ever maintaining my relationship with God. i haven't fallen away, i haven't renounced Him like 80% of college students do, i'm still crazy in love... but incredibly lazy. and it's catching up to me.
i'd like to say it's not so, but pretending i'm okay when i'm not has never done me any good.
i'm just in such a weird place. i'm not unstable, i'm not in a "dark place," i'm just blah.
the strangest things affect you so strongly when you feel such little joy.
sooo, there's the emo side of my life right now.. but if you know me at all, you'll know it's incredibly hard for me to be in a place where i don't see a bright side. i still have an amazing God. i've found out that it sucks to have friends that aren't nice to me, and got smart enough to stop letting them drag me down. i found out which of my friends are just as spectacular as they've ever been, and trust me, i cherish them so! case in point: last weekend. spent a lotttt of time with two of the coolest guys i know, and even though we allllll had crap in our faces (or vomit, if you're me) at some point, i look back and only see the stuff that made me very happy.
soo, to sum it up:
matt costa blew my mind.
car rides are great with the right people, or person.
music is the best thing ever.
i miss home. warm weather. and my friends.
and stehekin (chelan) next weekend will be incredible. believe me, there will be pictures!
