love, break me

i have been quite busy lately. school has been treating me well, even though 17 credits is quite the load for me. church is treating me so well (turns out i'm now a southern baptist!). never before have i been blessed to know so many genuine, kind, God-loving people. i even kinda have a job. sure, it's six hours a week, but i'm really not sure if i could handle more than that. but stuff is happening in my heart and mind (it's heavy now, but i have no doubt i'll be better off when i get to the other side of it), and it's honestly too much for me to make sense of right now.

last night as i was laying in bed, i started dreaming. in my dream, i saw Jesus carrying my cross up to Calvary. instead of having an emotional reaction or helping Him carry my cross, i got out my camera and started taking artistic, detailed pictures of His bleeding back.

i don't know what this means yet.

i don't believe this was just a random firing of neurons.

i don't believe my brain came up with this on its own,

and i don't believe i'll be able to be at peace until i can figure this out.

keep me in your prayers, because i'm still growing up. and growing up leads me to face some harsh realities. but the joy of it all is that through those harsh realities, i also face the beauty of Christ's love and what it means for me and my relationships.