some stuff i learned in haiti

Thinking back on Haiti, I can't put my finger on any one time that God taught me something- I have to look at the trip as a whole. I t amazes me that, as mature as I think I am sometimes, I still am so self-centered and narrow-minded and naive at times. I was daily reminded of how redemptive and powerful and patient God is, and how desperately I still need Him every morning.

I started off the trip so full of myself and excited to have another country under my belt, but God humbled me so fast. I was shown how powerless I am on my own in a country that embraces and praises the devil by immediate attacks on my attitude and character. I tried to fix it on my own, but redemption only came through daily pleading with the Lord to give me more of Himself.

Redemption throughout the rest of the trip was that of a mind being pulled 800 different directions, then being shown truth. I fought a lot with the Haitian church and charismatics, and fought the line between stretching my faith and getting lost in the prosperity gospel. The Haitian church is growing, which is awesome because it means voodoo is losing its power, but the church is prospering because they preach the prosperity gospel- something so appealing to a burdened and struggling nation. I was convicted to have a faith that believes God can heal the physically broken (and He did), but was convicted to speak the truth about God's sovereignty and omniscience- and our due response being that of humility towards our King. God is good, and that is not a truth based on Him meeting our definition of good. That is a truth, and we need to change our perspective or when we can't see it. My fear for the charismatic church is that in the same way the people went from shouting "hosanna!" to "crucify him!" when Jesus didn't fit their expectations, they will walk away and their faith will be empty when God doesn't give them everything they ask of Him. The gospel of Jesus Christ has to be a "but if not" conviction*, otherwise it's no faith at all. When we seek the blessings of God rather than the face of God, we end up disappointed.

*This is a conviction where one believes God can do what you ask of Him, one has faith that God will do what you ask of Him, but if not, your perceptions of God are not changed.

God has blessed me with a million reasons and ways to be happy, but it's always at times when those things are taken away that I am forced to rely on God and know that He is all I need.There were a lot of times when I was afraid and upset and uncomfortable and honestly all I wanted was to be in David's arms, but I couldn't be and needed to find rest in God's arms. He is all I need; He gives me peace and rest and that's not dependent upon me being physically held.

This summer is gonna be a hard one. I'm away from my new home and friends, I'm away from David until August 17 (our 7 mesiversario! woohoo!), and I'm always "missing" someone or something. Hebrews 12:7-11 is my anthem for the summer. I'm being disciplined, and although I'm sad sometimes, I'm approaching God with humility. He has given me this summer as a time of solitude, and God's purpose for my time in the Tri Cities is as deliberate as my time in Haiti was.

Don't give up, guys! God is good and he LOVES you. Find your peace in Him and Him alone.